Word & Deed: Marriage

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Word & Deed: We are Witnesses: Marriage
with Danny Cantelmi

Sermon Notes: We Are Witnesses - Marriage

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 5:14-21, Matthew 12, Philippians 2:12-13, Psalm 77:7-15

Intro: This sermon is part of the "We Are Witnesses" series, focusing on how our lives testify to Jesus. Today's message explores how our marriages can bear witness to Christ. Even singles can benefit from the principles shared, but marriage uniquely reveals how we respond to challenges and conflict.

Text: 2 Corinthians 5:14-21

Exposition:

• The Stages of Marriage: Marriage is a journey with various stages, each with unique challenges and opportunities for growth. It's easy to focus on our spouse as the source of challenges, but our greatest challenge often lies within ourselves.
• Dying to Self: Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians that we are no longer to live for ourselves, but for Christ. This involves letting go of our rights and preferences. Sin makes us self-focused and self-important, but marriage calls us to die to those tendencies.
• Three Ways Marriages Can Witness to Christ:
  1. Develop a Kingdom Perspective: We need to reorient our marriages around a kingdom perspective, sowing small seeds of kindness, prayer, gratitude, and humility.
  2. Practice Reconciliation: We must first be reconciled to Christ, then extend that reconciliation to our spouses. This involves confession, repentance, and forgiveness.
  3. See Marriage as a Partnership for the Gospel: Our spouses are our partners in ministry, and together we can advance the Gospel through raising our children, serving others, and demonstrating Christ's love in our daily lives.

Conclusion:

• The Lord's Table: We respond by coming to the Lord's Table, remembering Christ's sacrifice that reconciles us to God and empowers us to live in a way that reflects His love.
• A Word of Encouragement: Even in the midst of trials and suffering, we can remember God's faithfulness and the hope of His return.

Call to Action:

• Take the "Confession, Repentance, and Forgiveness" handout from the Connect Table.
• Consider how you can partner with your spouse to advance the Gospel.
• If you need prayer, don't hesitate to come forward.

Transcript

 Hi, I'm Joseph and I'm Brian and we're the suzas and we've been married almost 19 years this summer we kind of felt like I Don't know We just kind of felt prompted to take the class and what we got out of it was a couple points a good reminder that if you have a good relationship with God that you're gonna have a good relationship with your wife and The difference in the dynamics through life that your marriage is gonna change With raising kids and all the different things with them



 so it fluctuates like when if you have children it kind of ebbs and flows with them as as they get older and change your marriage kind of has to change with them That's about kind of stuck out to us going into it There was kind of like a stigma around taking a marriage class or even counseling that Maybe your marriage was in trouble or you were having a hard time and that wasn't the case for us And so it's kind of like why are we gonna be taking this class? And but I think it was a really good reminder that you need to kind of equip yourself During the good times for when the harder times come so when they come that you're not caught off guard That you kind of have the tools to use during that time because you kind of prepped during the good times My name is Oscar O'Kanya and I'm Grace and we are so thankful for this marriage class One thing that I have really enjoyed about it and that really stood out to me was hearing the phrase Your spouse is your number one fan Because I do think that grace is my number one fan and I try to be the number one fan for her But she does such a great job and I'm so thankful for that and we'll be married three years in August And I think already we've had a conversation where I was like, oh, I think I was forgetting that you're my number one fan So that just saying that has helped us a lot. Yeah, so That's that we like it Hi, everyone. My name is Taylor. I'm Zach and we are the soon-to-be Hernandez's. So we are new to Radiant Church We just started coming here in January and we were really just looking for an opportunity to really connect with people We wanted to really, you know invest our time into the church and get to know other people We also wanted to invest our time in building our relationship So we figured what better way than to take a class with a bunch of people we can learn from so that's what we did One thing that I learned from a class is marriage is definitely self-sacrificing not self-serving



 It's a continual decision that we have to make every day to love one another and to do things for our spouse that we might not want to do and I think it's gonna be really important part of our marriage that we've learned and we've heard stories Yeah, definitely And I think my biggest takeaway from just the class in this experience has been that in order to kind of build our relationship Horizontally right between the two of us you really have to invest that time in building your vertical relationship with with God And I think you know kind of touching on what Zach said about choices is if you make that choice to learn from God's love That will you know transcend into your own relationship as well, too Yeah, we're grateful for the experience and we're glad to be here at radiant Well, there's a lot to celebrate in those videos Got a lot going on as a community and there's a lot to be thankful for One of the things that we're celebrating is the end of our class season I know the women's Bible study has two more weeks the other classes Finished this week and one of them was the marriage class and it was a real joy for six weeks to get together as couples and each week we had a different couple come and just share from their marriage life and their life with God and things that they've learned that they were encouraging us to put into practice and each week it was just full of wisdom and full of grace and it was Just fun to grow together and you got a taste of some of the testimonies that came from that time and it was a lot of fun and in in kind of alignment to that Today, I want to continue the marriage conversation and I want to look at specifically How the marriage relationship that we have can actually bear witness to Jesus and point to him we've been in a series called we are witnesses and the point of this Really this series is the idea that we need to pay attention to how we live because our lives testify to something in The way we spend our time in the way we speak How we spend our money?



 What we base our values on? All those things bear witness to something and as a church community We want to make sure that all the things that we do in our life bear witness to Jesus and show that he's Lord over everything and This morning we want to focus on specifically Our marriage relationship and how that can bear witness and I just want to mention that from the get-go that if you're not married If you're single, please don't lean out today Because the three principles I'm gonna share are things that you can still live out in singleness and still point to Jesus in But there's just something about a marriage relationship that actually creates friction



 And in that friction people are watching how we respond and how we live that out and



 That's that's what I want to share about this morning if you have your Bibles if you would turn to 2nd Corinthians chapter 5 verse 14



 Want to look at just a passage of Scripture that Paul wrote about and



 Flush out three points and how we can apply those to our marriage relationship



 So, let's take a look at this text



 Starting at verse 14. It says for the love of Christ compels us Since we have reached this conclusion that one died for all therefore all died And he died for all so that those who live should no longer live for themselves



 But for the one who died for them and was raised to life From now on then we do not know anyone from a worldly perspective Even if we've known Christ from a worldly perspective yet, we no longer know him in this way Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he's a new creation. The old has passed away and see the new has come



 Everything is from God



 Who has reconciled us to himself through Christ and has given us the ministry of reconciliation? That is in Christ. God has reconciled the world to himself Not counting their trespasses against them for he was for he has committed the message of reconciliation to us Therefore we are ambassadors of Christ's since God is making his appeal through us. We plead on Christ's behalf be reconciled to God



 He made the one who did not know sin to be sinned for us so that in him we might become the righteousness of God



 Man that's that's good just standing alone, right?



 As I was considering my own marriage I was just thinking about the last 30 years and these decades that have passed now that we have a few behind us and I was kind of identifying these stages of our marriage relationship and how each of these stages were kind of unique and they had their own unique lessons for us to learn and things for us to process through and I was thinking of the very first stage. I was 20 and she was 23. We were both in college and both trying to figure out what school and work looked like and then a new marriage and we were under the heavyweight of $575 a month for rent. Yeah, I know it was heavy to us



 Trying to figure out what it what would it mean for us to be adults and and nurture a brand new marriage in the midst of going to school and work and and then we entered this next stage where our kids showed up and over



 Man haven't done the math into my brain, but over 10 years we had three children and



 Started new careers and in the midst of that I had a couple career changes and we moved down and up the state of California had a couple different transitions and bought our first home and had some financial crisis in the middle of that and and then stage three our children are growing up and All of a sudden they begin to have their own schedule So there's this tension of how do we maintain intimacy in our marriage when we're pulled in different directions of work and family?



 There was a fight for our marriage to maintain intimacy with one another and then this new brand new stage that we're entering in Where our kids are actually growing up to become young adults and they're they're moving on and we're remaining and all of a sudden our house is getting a lot quieter and we're trying to figure out what empty nesting might look like in the future and what our Relationship is gonna look like in the wake of that. So there's these transitions



 Throughout our marriage relationship that we find that that it's it's never steady and easy and simple There's there's always complexity always change going on and we find ourselves right in the middle of it and Why I bring this up is this that it's easy in the midst of change in the midst of disappointment and challenge in a marriage relationship to bring your gaze down to one another and Think that the real challenge in battle in life is one another



 It's easy to project on on Colleen or my wife that my biggest challenge is her and I'm her biggest challenge and I just want to say this morning that our greatest challenge is not our spouse our greatest challenge is actually something that's inside of us individually and somehow Marriage brings that out in us even the best marriages



 And it helps in this passage that I read out of second Corinthians The first two verses 14 and 15 Paul makes note of this. He says for the love of Christ compels us It pushes us forward



 Since we have reached this conclusion that one died for all He's saying that the Christ is the one that died for all and therefore we've all had to die



 And he died for all so that those who live and here's the kicker should no longer live for themselves



 That the real call to death in Christ is that we're letting go of our rights and That includes a lot of different things right but one thing that does include is in a marriage relationship



 That as we sign up for marriage as we make that covenant commitment. We're giving up our own rights



 Paul reminds us not to get caught up on ourselves because he knows That deep down inside of us each of us deal with the sin that all of us have And he says that we must die with Christ



 and That we're his



 So Paul knew this reality that if he didn't preach this death then we would default to what's inside of us



 David Paul trip in his book marriage writes this that sin makes us shrink our lives To the narrow confines of our little self-defined world Sin causes us to shrink our focus and motivation and concerns the size of our own once needs and feelings



 Sin causes all of us to be way too self-aware and self-important



 Sin causes us to be offended most by offenses against us and concern the most for what concerns us Sin causes us to dream selfish dreams and plan



 self-oriented plans Because of sin we really do love us and we have a wonderful plan for own lives



 It's just such a great reminder that if we're all left to ourselves that's what is gonna come of our lives self-soak us self-focus and Rather than dying to ourselves. We're gonna die to the things that we want to crave and we desire we want for ourselves



 So there's this point of conflict in a marriage that we have to fight through and that is the point of death versus just self Continuing to default to what we want what we desire and what we crave and The test of marriage is really interesting because what it will do is it will test you in these certain moments where you come to an impasse with your spouse and you don't fully agree on what's next and You can either bulldoze over one another and just prefer your own Desire and wants or you can literally roll your sleeves up and say what what does compromise and love look like? How can I die to myself? I remember? It's been About 11 years ago. I went to us back to school. I got an advanced degree and applied for this job and I have this kind of secret



 Ambition to work for NASA even at 50, you know Forrest sent me some video of a rocket that was shot off at vanderberg yesterday and it was like awesome And so I secretly have this like little ambition, you know, like pastoring NASA. How does that fit together? I don't know so



 So I just it when it was like just a chance of a lifetime I applied to this job and NASA has seven different Educational sites around America and each of them focus on a specific technology that they want to develop and They're they're hiring educational specialists to develop curriculum around the technology that they have at the sites. So I applied Just you know, what do I have to lose right?



 So I get the job Yeah, I'm not lying. I Wouldn't lie here on the stage. Okay



 So I get this job and I'm like, oh my gosh, you know



 So Colleen and I sit down we're like crunching numbers We have teenagers at home and a mortgage and this would be a significant like reduction of salary. We'd have to move Relocate our kids as teenagers and as we're weighing this I'm like, you know, the reality is setting in like, oh my gosh And She's like, you know what? If this is what you want. We'll do it, you know and I remember her saying that and I was like man, are you kidding me this would be like You would pay the cost more than I would being at home with the kids more It was a significant, you know, the travel was involved and a big big sacrifice and and it was like this dream, right? And I just remember the Holy Spirit saying yep, that's great. It's not for you



 And Laying it down But knowing that I was laying it down in a relationship that actually she would have given everything for



 And It was just this moment of reality like man, this is a partnership



 And there were moments where I'm like, yeah, we're going pack the bags people we're going, you know That's what I wanted to do. But the reality is is that we are called to die to ourselves



 What does it look like for a marriage to be compelled by love as Paul writes in 2nd Corinthians



 Versus our own sinful nature I'm going to just point out three things very briefly this morning the first one is in verses 15 and 17 it talks about developing a



 kingdom perspective



 If we want marriages that point to Jesus we have to develop marriages around a kingdom perspective



 It says in verses 15 and 17 through 17 He died for all so that those who live should no longer live for themselves But the one who died for them and was raised from now on then



 We do not know anyone That includes our spouse from a worldly perspective Even if we've known Christ from a worldly perspective yet now we no longer know him this way Therefore if anyone is in Christ Jesus, he's a new creation. The old has passed away and the new has come



 He's he's saying here that if we are Part of the kingdom of God we can't look at things from a worldly perspective We need a kingdom shift in our perspective in our marriages One of the realities that Jesus taught his disciples was a constant Reorientation to the kingdom life the kingdom of heaven life



 and What we find is is that we often live in a world? That's a decision point whether we are oriented towards the kingdom of the world or the kingdom of heaven



 In Matthew 12 it says that he presented another parable to them sharing with them about the kingdom of heaven and he said this It's like a mustard seed that a man took and sowed in the field. It's the smallest of all seeds But when grown it's the tallest



 It's taller than anything any plants in the garden and becomes a tree so that the birds of the sky come and nest in its branches



 Jesus would often tell these parables of the kingdom of heaven and I love this one because what I want to encourage us today with Is this idea that?



 Our kingdom perspective in our marriage can be the size of mustard seeds that we sell Start small we don't have to start big



 In second Corinthians 5 Paul writes about us being a new creation in Christ Jesus Part of that new creation is in a marriage. We have an opportunity to build new things if We sow seed into it kingdom seed



 So this this first point is is just reorienting our lives to a kingdom perspective And I just want to mention what are you sowing into your marriage again? It doesn't have to be big It could be small little kingdom seeds Start small Maybe it's how we speak to one another when we're tired



 Maybe it's making simple prayers throughout our day for our spouse when they come to our mind Maybe it begins with small expressions of gratitude like a simple. Thank you



 Or maybe it's as simple as being slow to speak and quick to listen That's a pretty powerful seed So what does it look like to bear witness of Jesus it looks like a Kingdom perspective that we play out in our marriages in the little things number two is this another way that we can bear witness is by regularly practicing reconciliation in our marriage



 Reconciliation means to Cover or restore something that's broken or to change from hostility to friendship Hostility is is a pretty strong word when we're talking about marriage, but I think if you've been married for any time at all Sometimes it feels hostile in a relationship. That's heated And Christ wants us to practice the idea of bringing reconciliation and restoring things that are broken Going back to second Corinthians 5 verse 18 says everything is from God who has Reconciled to us himself through Christ and then he's given us the ministry of reconciliation That is in Christ. God has reconciled the world to himself not counting the trespasses against them And he has committed the message of reconciliation to us Notice that everything is from God first And I just want to point out that our lives were first reconciled to Christ And then he's given us a ministry of reconciliation We're gonna have a really hard time reconciling our marriage if our life with Christ is not reconciled first Before we give it away we have to be very careful Before we give it away we have to receive it Have you been?



 Reconciled to Christ. Have you fully received his gift of reconciliation?



 And this is something that you have to do on your own you can't actually advocate that to your spouse You've got to work out your own reconciliation with Christ first And as that as that works its way into your heart, then you could begin to extend reconciliation to them



 Philippians 2 verses uh uh chapter 2 verses 12 and 13 says this Therefore my dear friends just as you have received Have excuse me just as you have always obeyed So now not only in my presence, but even more in my absence work out your own salvation with fear and trembling



 For it is God who works in you both to will and to work according to his good purpose And this morning in our marriage It's part of our duty to work out our salvation



 To work out our reconciliation with Christ receive it so that we can give it away



 It's a it's a gift for us to receive Tim Keller in his book the meaning of marriage writes the gospel is this We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves and we've ever dared to believe yet at that very same time We are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we've ever dared to hope



 He's reconciling us to himself to give us that ministry And marriage is one of the primary places that that we work that out I'm at the connect table. One of the tools that we shared at the marriage course is a simple tool of how we practice Confession repentance and forgiveness in our marriages and it's a simple handout with just Some steps and we had some couple time during one of the sessions where we pulled it out and we just worked through it And I made several copies of that at the connect table if you want to grab one It's a resource that's really helpful because it will practically help you with this idea of reconciliation



 Starting with just the first step of just sitting down and being honest with our spouse So that's available for you if you want to grab one on the way out today



 And then number three is this that



 Keenan perspective reconciliation But number three is that we must see our marriages as a partnership for the gospel



 Did you know that your spouse is a partner with you in the gospel



 Together you're pointing towards Jesus in your life



 Both in a marriage and there's a partnership uniquely in each of your callings And In second Corinthians 5 going back to the original text that we are in in verses 20 and 21 it says therefore we are ambassadors of christ since god Is making an appeal through us? We pleaded on christ's behalf be reconciled to god He made the one who did not know sin to be sin for us so that in him we might become the righteousness of god Therefore we are ambassadors for christ



 I began this morning by just sharing that our greatest battle is not our spouse



 Our greatest battle is actually what's inside of us



 Our spouse is actually a partner in the gospel



 And I just want to encourage you as you leave today think about that how are you partnering together to advance the gospel?



 And here's a real practical thing. It might be simply raising kids right now



 That might be how you're partnering



 as ambassadors for Jesus



 So that is your neighbor see how you walk that out that that's going to speak volumes to them as they're struggling



 It might be how you treat one another as they're observing and watching you live your life in in a normal day in a day out



 It doesn't have to be Grand or big our partnership together. It can be really simple but yet really profound I remember some of the couples that made a huge impact on us Did nothing more but just invite us into their normal lives And to see what jesus looked like in the middle of a mess of a home



 Really really ministered to us



 Tim keller There's one more quote I wanted to share and I love this because our marriages are bigger than just the here and now We're actually preparing one another in partnership for eternity



 And he says within this christian vision of marriage Here's what it means to fall in love It is to look at one another



 And get a glimpse of what god is creating



 Just want you to look at your spouse for a minute this morning



 You don't have to say anything just look at them



 You're getting a glimpse of what god's creating



 And to say I see who god is making you



 And it excites me I want to be a part of it. I want to partner with you and god in the journey you're taking to his throne And when we get there



 I'll look at your magnificence and say I always knew



 You could be like this



 I got a glimpse of it on earth



 But now look at it now look at you Man our marriages are bigger than today



 And i'm not going to get caught up on the theology of this quote



 Because i'm not sure what heaven's going to be like



 But I know that when we we're going to be like him We're going to see the fullness of our spouse



 And we can either contribute to that right now Or miss an opportunity



 How are you building your marriage together in a way that supports the calling of god on their lives?



 We're ambassadors together for christ pointing people to jesus



 How are you working out this kingdom perspective



 How are you practicing reconciliation on a regular basis and how are you partnering with one another to see god's full call be realized



 Hey worship team. I want to invite you up here to join me this morning



 And I I love that these principles are rooted in Second chrythian's five where it says that we are compelled



 by love



 All of these things we can't do on our home, but through christ's love that compels us we can do it all And this morning as we close we're just going to respond by simply coming to the table and Engaging in worship one more time. There's going to be some people to Pray and that are available to pray for you and in just a moment chris if you want to come up as well He just had a quick response that he felt like was on his heart



 But I just wanted to mention that this idea of of a healthy marriage is rooted



 In the reconciliation of christ the work that he's already done And as we take these emblems He said every time you do this, it's a body broken for you Blood shed for you to reconcile you to himself



 So that then we can leave and we can be reconciled to our spouses and live in a way that points back to the finished work of Jesus And in just a moment. I want to invite you to the table and would you stand this morning? As we were worshiping chris had just one other Way that we can respond



 Yeah, so, um when we were singing the first couple songs this morning and



 I was hearing hearing phrases like you're gonna you're never gonna let me down and uh you reign above it all and I just



 I mean those triumphant things to say I was just sensing like There's a lot of people in here that aren't feeling that right now



 There's a lot of people that are



 Feeling like they're in a deep valley



 And um



 I I just was thinking like You know all of these life circumstances for for people in this room things like sickness financial troubles



 Addiction depression anxiety broken relationships



 And meanwhile we're singing these things and I was led to um, psalm 77 and I just want to read this over you guys um



 Because I I was I was hearing the hearing the phrase is the arm of the lord too short



 You're never gonna let me down and yet is the arm of the lord too short and this is what psalm 77 verses 7 through 15 say



 Will the lord spurn forever and never again be favorable



 Has his steadfast love forever ceased



 Are his promises at an end for all time has god forgotten to be gracious



 Has he in anger shut up his compassion



 Then I said I will appeal to this To the years of the right hand of the most high



 I will remember the deeds of the lord



 Yes, I will remember your wonders of old



 I will ponder all your work



 And meditate on your mighty deeds your way. Oh god is holy



 What god is great like our god You are the god who works wonders You have made known your might among the peoples here it is You with your arm redeemed your people the children of jacob and joseph



 And I was just thinking like the the greatest work right we're pondering the works of god the greatest work has already been done When he died on the cross for us



 And that was just act one Right act two is coming people He will return and he's going to Make right Everything that's wrong. He's gonna wipe tears away guys So just ponder that if if you're in need of prayer I would encourage you guys to come up and bring that To the people up here that would love to pray for you



 Do business with the lord this morning



 Let's uh, let's respond together this morning